IVF posts

So I have a secret. In fall of 2011, so a year and a half ago, John and I did IVF. It's not so much that I want it kept a secret, but through this process I've learned one thing...we are loved. Friends and family, and even acquaintances, would become too emotionally involved in our journey. I'm not an overly emotional person and prefer to keep to myself. I absolutely hate, Hate, HATE, people feeling sorry for me. So, through our fertility treatments I learned to keep everything to myself. It was just easier and less emotional that way.
I knew eventually I'd post these publicly because it is something huge we went through together and I want to remember how I felt. IVF is something I want to remember and I want my kids to remember since they were involved in every step. Even though it didn't work I don't regret it. Sure, I wish I could have my money back, but for for my first round of meds I received a grant and paid maybe $200-300 total, rather than the $4,000 I would have spent. I was extremely nice and sweet to the woman whose job it was to plead my case to the drug manufacturer. So aside from the lost money, I don't regret it at all. In fact if money weren't an issue I would've done it a dozen times if that's what it took.
No, John and I didn't get pregnant without help, we just happened to find the right meds. My doctor said he'd only let me try it for three months and I was on month #2 when we hit the jackpot. It has been a crazy and emotional journey, and to be honest I won't consider it over until I'm sitting in the hospital holding my baby, but for now I'm so glad to put all this behind us.
So maybe now you understand why I despise women who moan and whine through their entire pregnancy. This is something we choose. Many women don't have a choice. I've met so many women along the way who are still trying to get pregnant or adopt. In a way I feel guilty because I'm finally getting what I wanted, but they are still sad and struggling. I am thankful I know and understand how they feel. The pain of infertility is something you cannot understand unless you've been through it. Just because I happened to have two boys already, it didn't make it any easier, didn't make my struggle any less significant. It did make me appreciate my kids more and I love seeing other mom's who seem to understand just what a miracle children are, whether they were born into their family or were brought into their family by adoption. Being a mother is the hardest, most frustrating, yet most rewarding job in the world.