Mom's Vacation in the CVICU

NOTE: This is told strictly from my point of view. There are so many details and events not included here, and I haven't even proof read it since I'm tired at the moment. I just wanted to get the general story down before it slipped out of my mind...if that's possible. I'll probably come back and revise as details come back to me.

Where to begin? Well, two weeks ago on January 29 I had my parent's over for scones. Mom was fine, dad was fine, and scones were delicious. They left around seven and everything was good. The next day I got a call from my dad, but my bluetooth dropped the call. As soon as I got home I called him back and he informed me mom was in the ER. She had kidney stones and was in severe pain and throwing up. I was most definitely concerned, but I figured (like everyone did) that she'd  get some awesome painkillers and be sent home. I called back a couple hours later and they were considering admitting her. Called back a couple more hours and they were still thinking of admitting her. I told my dad if she was still at the hospital when John got home I'd come out. I called again during swim lessons and they were definitely admitting her. After swim, about an hour later, I called him and said we were on our way. He told me not to hurry because they were moving her to ICU. That is when my heart dropped out of my chest. ICU? It was then that I knew this was more serious than we'd thought. John and I took the boys to Red Robin and called around and got my aunt to watch the boys. We got their food to go and ran out the door-me getting mad at a woman who pushed her way in past me rather than waiting for us to completely make our way out the door. 

More about the ER: Mom was very sick and her blood pressure was very low. The common treatment is to give fluids, so they gave her 5 liters. Her BP continued to drop, while her heart rate was through the roof. My brother stopped by the ER (he's an RN) to check on her and noticed her stats and her low oxygen and got after the nurses to wake up. Apparently mom's alarms had been going off all day and they ignored her. Well, if Tyson hadn't stopped by the ER the outcome of my story could have been very different. Anyway long story short, after getting after the nurses they finally got moving and the doctor realized she was critical and need to be in ICU. 

When John and I arrived at the hospital we rushed the CVICU. Mom was sitting in bed looking terrible and struggling to breathe. I felt sick. I showed her the cards the boys had made before they rushed her off for emergency surgery. We were all there (except Preston who we didn't call until later) and we followed her bed down to OR where my dad signed consent forms and we were resigned to wait in the painfully quiet waiting room...it was after hours and they had called in a team just for mom. 

We waited and waited. John ran out to pick up the boys and take them to his sister's house for the night. While he was out he bought Gina nacho's, Tyson a Red Bull, my dad an orange juice and me nothing. I can't eat when stressed. In fact I didn't really eat again until Thursday when we began to see progress.

After an eternity we saw a team of medical "people" rush by the waiting room with my mom. Gina ran out in the hall and yelled "HEY! That's my mom!" They said she need to get to ICU NOW and they'd be back for us. Right then John came walking down the hall and two minutes behind him was the Urologist.

My mom had a kidney stone, no big deal right? Wrong. It was so big it blocked her ureter. Now, remember those genius' in ER who pumped her full of fluids without closely monitoring her? Those fluids couldn't escape so they backed up in her body, saturating her her cells and tissues, she became Septic and her lungs began to fill with fluids. With so much fluid pressure outside of her lungs she couldn't expand them so she was quite literally suffocating, which would explain why she struggled to breathe when I first saw her.

The doctor was full of roses and sunshine and rather than saying she had an 80-85% chance of recovery, he told us she had a 15-20% chance of DYING! "This is the real deal. She is very sick." I appreciate his honesty, although I didn't particularly care for him. This is when it hit home for all of us just how serious this was and Gina lost it. 

I'll never forget my dad putting his head in his hands saying "This just feels like a big nightmare."

A nightmare it was. When bad things happen I just pull inward, keep my feelings to myself and stay composed. I figure everyone can't lose it  or we'd all be a big mess, and so I would let myself lose it when I got home. For now it wouldn't do anyone any good.

We saw her for about a minute after surgery, then we were kicked out so they could intubate her and run a central line to her heart...this allows them to give her medication and have it shot out immediately through her whole body.

I don't think any of us realized how long it would take to do these two things and so we impatiently sat in the waiting room. Although my dad didn't want to call Preston, we told him he had to. He needed to be a part of this. It was decided Preston would come home in a day or two since there was nothing he could do. Gina finally went home with promises from John to call with any updates.

Personally I think we all sat in the waiting room expecting the doctor to approach us with grim news at any moment. Tyson dozed off on some chairs and when he woke up he made a beeline for the hallway. After a few minutes I saw him in the hall talking with her doctor, crying. I jumped out my chair and although it took maybe three seconds, the walk to the hallway felt like an eternity. I was sure the doctor was delivering our bad news and I suddenly had flashes of receiving condolences at my mom's viewing. I truly believe that my heart stopped beating for several seconds before I realized she was giving us an update of her status and not telling us she had died. (I hate the term passed away, just an FYI) Tyson was just emotional, thank goodness, so my heart resumed beating and I took a breath. 

We were told we could go in two at a time to see her. Tyson went in first, he wanted to see her alone. When he was done John and I went in. I was completely taken aback at how sick she looked. She had the breathing tube strapped around her head, with more more tubes, needles and wires coming out of her than I would have ever thought possible. It was absolutely terrifying to see my mom this way. The tears were standing behind my eyes trying to force their way out, but I didn't want to make things worse for my dad before he went in so I took a deep breath while John hugged me and I forced those lousy tears back. 

Her cute nurse came in and said that while there are no sleepovers allowed in ICU she would allow someone to sit with her if we would like. She encouraged me to get everyone to go home for the night so we could be awake and alert for mom when she finally woke up. I told her I didn't want to leave and get THE phone call in the middle of the night. She promised me nothing would happen tonight and we really should try to rest.

In the car John and I talked about how the boys would handle it if she died. My boys absolutely adore my mom and I couldn't imagine raising them without her. One of their favorite things is when she honks her Prius as she drives past our house, so the boys come bolting down the stairs yelling "Grandma's here! Grandma's here!" To think of her not just randomly stopping by in the afternoon is what finally brought me to tears. I let myself crying for about two or three minutes, then I sucked it up and got ready for bed. We didn't get home from the hospital until after 1am, and I finally dozed off sometime around 2:30, but I woke with a start immediately after dozing off...I know this because it was about 2:45am. For the rest of the night I lay in bed, with my heart pounding out my chest, thinking about mom in the hospital. I was told they would let me back in the ICU around 8am after shift change. So we got up, got dressed, stopped by to say good morning to the boys, and went back to the hospital. 

Mom didn't look any better and her stats were still terrible. They had her on Propofol to keep her asleep, a high dose of Norepinephrine to help with her low BP, antibiotics for the Sepsis and 100% oxygen. They were hoping to help force liquid out of her lungs by having her intubated. 

She was easily aggravated, especially when my dad would enter the room. Somehow she could sense when he was in there. At one point I sat holding her hand and she was just fine, but as soon as my dad walked in she began to stir and her vitals would go all wonky. He actually has a picture of me just as I turned with big eyes and told him he needed to leave. It made him feel bad, but I thought it was pretty special that she could sense when he was there. I guess nearly 40 years of marriage does that to a couple.

Nothing much happened Tuesday, and we actually spent most of the day in the waiting room so we wouldn't disturb her at all. Sometime on the way home John and I stopped and grabbed some Nyquil to knock me out Tuesday night. When I got back to the hospital on Wednesday there was no change. I felt kind of defeated. They decided to begin turning down her oxygen and turned her ventilator to a cpap (with the tube still in) When the oxygen was down to 30% and she could breathe on her own, they turned down the Propofol to pull her out of sedation. She came out a bit, but couldn't open her eyes and Gina and I held her hands, hoping she wouldn't panic when she realized they were strapped down. We had to coach her breathing. I constantly reminded her to take slow breaths, NOT deep or she'd cough, while Gina was in the background reminding her every couple minutes that she had a tube down her throat. Thinking about it makes me laugh, but it really wasn't funny. I just wonder if mom wanted to say "Damn, I know I have a tube down my throat! Do you really think I don't know that?" Unfortunately mom doesn't remember so she can't tell me what she was thinking. Mom was miserable being awake since breathing with the tube is like trying to breathe through a straw. After putting her through this hell they decided to up the Propofol and let her sleep since they wouldn't be extubating her anyway that day.

From the time mom was admitted, every time I was in the room I talked to her nurses (who were fabulous by the way) and asked every question that came to my mind. I took note of her stats; blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen levels, temperature, and every other stat on the screen as well as ventilator (that the nurses and RT's took the time to explain to us), dosages, and antibiotic schedule. I actually felt more confident talking with her nurses than a doctor since they are the one's caring for the patients. I learned that Sepsis in the #1 reason people are admitted tot the ICU. Did you know that just a few years ago the mortality rate for Sepsis was 50%?! I'm so glad she didn't get sick a few years ago. The nurse was very honest and said she's better than some but sicker than most, and was "cautiously optimistic" that mom would come out of it.

 Mom's body was so swollen. She looked as though someone has stuck an air hose in her mouth and tried to blow her up like a balloon. We were told the swelling would get worse before it got better, but once the swelling began to go down it was a sign she was getting better. I spent most of that day holding her hand, paying careful attention to her knuckles. When I went in Thursday morning, I held her hand and could tell the swelling was beginning to go down and I silently celebrated, knowing we had turned a corner. Her nurse Yuko said she wanted to wean her off the oxygen and BP meds today, and if her oxygen level would stay up with 30% oxygen they would pull the tube.

She was awake for quite some time, all while we were coaching her breathing and Gina was once again reminding her about the tube. (insert smiley face here) When the RT came in to remove the tube she had mom cough and she pulled that thing right out. Mom spent the rest of the day coughing, while we suctioned her mouth and wiped it out with a sponge. She was so thirsty but they wouldn't let her have ANYTHING. She couldn't talk much, but was very emotional. She just didn't understand how one moment she went to the ER to get pain meds for a kidney stone and the next she was waking up days later in the CVICU, hearing how she almost died.

Friday was much the same, except we could give her ice chips. She still couldn't talk much, but they did let her order dinner, although she couldn't eat much. Friday evening Carson was throwing up at John's mom's. He has a nervous stomach and I was 100% sure it was from worrying and not from a stomach bug. I decided he would do better with us at the hospital than staying with family. Sooo, we picked up the boys and they hung out in the waiting room, playing the ipad and itouch. They ate pizza and cookies and actually had a good time. My mom also began physical therapy today, and she couldn't do anything. She couldn't lift her arms more than a couple inches, so forget about holding anything or walking. It was sad, but we were overjoyed to have her back.

Saturday was a repeat of Friday, but she was doing much, much better. They let her drink liquid...AS LONG AT IT WAS THICKENED WITH CORN STARCH! YUCK! She ate a bit more and with the help of the physical therapist, sat in the chair a little. Oh, and they also pulled the central line, which they let us witness. It was purely amazing and I could see why we had to wait in the waiting room for so long. It wasn't just a simple IV they were putting in. Saturday night I took the first night shift until around 3am. Mom was on a bipap machine because her oxygen was still too low. She was so thirsty, and believing thirst to be one of the worst feelings ever, I was easily persuaded when she convinced me to give her straight water. I had her take a sip and when she didn't choke on it, I let her drink away. She was in heaven. 

To back track a couple hours: Saturday around 8:30pm the night nurse came in and said she had been discharged to med surg and was no longer an ICU patient...until she looked a mom's oxygen level and decided something wasn't right. I was irritated because we had asked the day nurse about her low oxygen and her and the doctors just brushed us off. They decided to keep her in ICU (I was a bit relieved, as was mom) and the RT did a painful blood draw where they measure the amount of oxygen coming directly from the heart, as well as took x-rays of her lungs. The doctor said her x-rays looked better than a few days ago, but that her blood draw showed her oxygen levels were still too low, so they decided to do a CT scan on Sunday to check for blood clots. Thankfully she didn't have clots and after another doctor reviewed her x-ray from Sunday night it was decided she had pneumonia and another round of aggressive antibiotics was started. She lost her beloved nasal cannula and had to go on a bipap machine. It was so miserable for her, it was so "windy" it would dry her mouth and throat so terribly. She would call me over by motioning with her finger and I would either sponge her mouth, suction it, give her ice chips, or help shift her position on the bed. She was so miserable and had three open bed sores. I wished more than anything I could climb in bed and take her place for awhile so could rest. It was a long night, but there was no place I would rather be. I was so happy to be able to do whatever she needed.

On Sunday I slept in until 11am then John, the boys and I headed back to the hospital. The boys wanted to see grandma so John walked around to her window and held them up so they could wave to her. It was absolutely adorable and they were so happy to see her...albeit through glass. We just kind of hung out with her Sunday, and I kept encouraging her to work her arms and legs, since the night nurse had mentioned to me they may send her to rehab for a week or two. No way she was going to rehab so she worked her hands and legs every chance she got.

Monday I took the day shift so dad could get some sleep, and it was fun hanging out with her. She was eating well, and they had taken out her catheter. The PT had her walk down the hall with a walker and I pointed out another woman in the ICU who was intubated and was unconscious and wired just like mom. Mom couldn't believe this is how she had looked a few days prior. She just had a hard time believing she was so critical. We watched Rachael Ray and talked. I read to her from my Kindle, since she was reading the same book I was, and it was just a good day. I took off around 3 in order to be home for the boys. It was my first night home in a week and it felt so good.

On Tuesday Gina was there in the morning and called to tell me she was being discharged directly from ICU. I asked a million questions, all the while wishing I was at the hospital so I could ask the nurse directly. I had been cleaning my house, with plans to clean mom's house before she got home. Unfortunately that didn't happen. When Landon got home from preschool I gathered all my cleaning supplies, pulled Carson out of school, and rushed to my mom's. Anna Mae was already there, and Mavell came soon after, so thankfully I had two other women to help me clean this huge house. (makes me thankful for my small(er) house) My mom is like any other woman, and can relax much easier in a clean house and it didn't take too long with three of us working hard.

My mom was in bed and tired but it was amazingly wonderful to see her home. She had a wheelchair, a walker, and my dad installed bars in their shower for her. Her neighbors brought a huge dinner of soup, bread, rolls, fresh strawberries with whipping cream, and cupcakes. It was so delicious and I know my mom really appreciated it. I also have to say how grateful I am to Mavell. She helped bathe mom in the hospital and also showered her when she got home (since this is what she does for a living.) There's nothing like feeling clean and I am happy Mavell was there to help out.

As of now my mom is still weak and tired, but doing much better. She still has the stent and will need to have the stone blasted probably next week, but she is alive and home. After sitting in the ICU or waiting room, day in and day out, holding her hand, praying she would live, we are all so thankful to have mom back. She's only 59 for heaven's sake. We just weren't ready to say goodbye yet.

While she was in the hospital we had more people than we would have imagined, calling, emailing, sending flowers, offering meals, bringing us food at the hospital, stopping by to see how she was doing. It was just overwhelming to see how many people love her. It's like I tell John-I enjoy spending time with my mom more than any friend I've ever had. 

 I'm also thankful to John's family for taking my boys so I could be with my mom every minute of the day, without worrying about where they were or what they were doing. It was a long week and I believe "surreal" is the best way to describe it. It was one of those things that happened so quickly and although I know we aren't immune, I just didn't believe it would ever happen to us. While sitting next to her bed I couldn't imagine how terrible it would be to sit at the bedside of one of my boys. I am so thankful for their health, and don't quite take for granted that they will be here tomorrow the way I used to. *sigh* So glad things are looking up. Yesterday we all brought food and congregated at mom and dad's for dinner. Dad had made the most wonderful homemade pasta sauce I've ever had, I brought garlic bread, Mavell brought a salad and Gina brought dessert. For the two hours we were there life almost felt normal again. Thank goodness!